New rumor

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Permalink Reply by Jeff on November 19, 2007 at 5:14pm

My friend's mom lives across the street from a guy who is the Principal at a North Dakota High School up in Fargo, and he got this resume in the mail:

The Resume of Bill Callahan

Career Objective: Retired Football Coach or High School Football Coach

Qualifications: Oakland Raiders, two years. Fired, December 2002.

Nebraska Cornhuskers, Nearly Five Years. Fired, November 2007

Special Skills: I am really good at using the same words over and over again,
and my vocabulary has grown to nearly seventy six words, not
counting the words seventy and six. I also have experience at
alienating my entire team, all the fans, and my bosses.

Recent
Accomplisments: I took a National Championship caliber program, reduced the fans to tears, wore lots of red,
showed up for all the TV broadcasts, kept Kevin Cosgrove in a job he couldn't do, and made
lots of news. Recently, I made a death threat to Kevin Cosgrove to motivate him and all the fans
were dumb enough to believe it was one of them. I swear, we must have the dumbest fans
in all of America, a real bunch of Hillbillies, but someone stuck a "For Sale" sign in my front yard.

I do an excellent job in all phases of the game.

Win / Loss Record: This is a meaningless statistic, but can be provided on request.

References: Mark Mangino, Head Coach, University of Kansas:
"I think Bill did a marvelous job of allowing my guys to practice what we call our "Ham Sandwich."
defense...only he was the ham! HA HA HA HA!! I love it! Go Big Red again next year, Bill!"

Dennis Franchione, Head Coach, Texas A&M University:
"See? I ain't so bad, y'all!"

Gary Pinkel, Head Coach, University of Missouri:
"Well, Bill has done just a great job with New England. I mean, look at his guys, they lead the
league in just about every catagory. They....oh, wait a second. Which Bill are we talking about?"

Mack Brown, Head Coach, University of Texas:
"I appreciate Bill, I really do. Heck, without Callahan, we might not even be ranked, but we won
and so now we are, and we owe it to Bill Callahan."

Guy Morris, Head Coach (Former), Baylor University:
"Bill's a great guy, really great. I took his advice and ran my team just like he said. I am confident
that with enough time, we would've won a game or two, but it was time for retirement anyway."

Bob Stoops, University of Oklahoma:
"Mack Brown likes him, that's enough for me. And, I really enjoyed that Bill didn't do any of those trickery plays, halfback flash pass, or whatever. He's a real sport."

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Permalink Reply by Shayne Seibert on November 19, 2007 at 5:46pm

Great Resume'.

Maybe some Sunbelt team will hire him. He seems to get along with Hillbillys. Since his vocabulary is limited, they might get along pretty well.

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Permalink Reply by NeFan4Life on November 20, 2007 at 8:14pm

That's an awesome resume Jeff! I hope that our dear Coach Callahan will only be a memory come this Saturday, when Osborne decides about the coaching changes that he'll be making.

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